We Are Glass

I am telling you, kids have it figured out when it comes to living life. It is to find what makes you happy and do more of it. In doing that, you don’t have to win the jackpot to happiness every time. You do however have to keep trying. Sometimes in looking for happiness the opposite happens, you get hurt. At the time, we don’t understand but as long as you keep going, those struggles help you end up exactly where you should be.

That’s what we do as humans right? We can’t stop living our lives based on fear.

Cash and I walked in Old Town Alexandria all around the shops and the water. (I’ve been really bad about bringing my camera lately and wish I had pics to share). We talked a lot about life, love and relationships.

My friend Cara sent me this quote “If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile” – Lynda Barry It reminds me that at any moment life can change. Most people think that means for the worse but it often happens for the better, we just don’t take the time to acknowledge it.

Steve Jobs is one of my favorite people to quote and here is what he says in a speech I have shared before “Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

I am one that loves easy, cares deeply, and falls hard. For those of you that know anything about falling, it can be scary. I am really scared right now. Don’t think for a minute that I don’t doubt or think negative thoughts. Yesterday on my drive back to Annie’s I cried.I thought about Sean and how much he has changed my life in such a short amount of time. It brought up feelings of love and loss. Of loving someone so deeply a losing that so fast. I miss him and every day he is on my mind. Along with loving easy, I also love forever.  I will always love him. I know that my happiness was something that was so important to him. He would be glad to know I am happy in life.

I sent a text to a friend of his who I never met. She is the only one after the suicide that reached out to me in a positive way and has always supported me. Everyone else blamed me for his suicide since I left him and he was so in love. I told her that Sean was heavy on my heart and that I missed him. It is amazing the timing because she said that she had just watched the video I made of my wedding vows to him.

After that I decided to tell her that I had met the first person since Sean that I could connect with on a deeper level. Her response touched my emotions in so many ways. “Thank you. You are so strong Sherese. Make sure he treats you right. You deserve all the happiness in the world!”

When I got to Annie’s, JD was out side and I practically ran into the house hoping I didn’t run into one of the kids first. Annie was sitting in the chair and all I could say is I need a hug. She hugged me and we went outside and sat on the steps and I cried and we talked. I  can not tell you how much I value and love my friends. Annie is no exception. Of course I had to go in the house after I gained my composure and get love from the kids and even JD gave me a hug (though we aren’t friends on Facebook). He said even the happiest person he knows can have a bad day. I have more emotions now than I have ever had and yet those feelings are what make me feel so alive.

In the same speech as above Steve Jobs said “Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

So for now, I am going to let myself fall. Sure I am scared and battle my fears but I would rather risk and lose it all than to never know. Sure I can sit on the safe side of the road and protect my heart but then I am not really living and may never know. I don’t live a life of regrets. It is a battle within I want to fight.

 Glass

Trying to live and love,
With a heart that can’t be broken,
Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can’t be opened.
Yeah, we both carry baggage,
We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,
And I will do the same.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
Cause we are glass.

I’ll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,
And in the darkness of this moment,
You see the good and bad.
But try not to judge me, ’cause we’ve walked down different paths,
But it brought us here together, so I won’t take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,
We might burn like gasoline and fire,
It’s a chance we’ll have to take.

We may shine, we may shatter,
We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
And we are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
We are glass.

Author: admin

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