Man, this time of year is hard. I can’t believe it has been 5 years. Year one I definitely questioned if I could make it to this point and here we are! Here is a look back over the last 5 years and “lessons learned” from my blog each year. Writing is my therapy and reading what I wrote is even better because it is proof of the progress, much like a before and after photo. I wouldn’t be where I am today without some very important people in my life. So thank you friends and family for your support and love. Cheers to life.
Year # 1
I want to believe…
- Believe that things happen for a reason even if the reason is to make us stronger.
- Believe in your success when all you feel is failure.
- Believe that wrong roads can lead to the right road.
- Believe it isn’t the destination, it is the journey.
- Believe in your intuition it knows better than anyone else.
- Believe that life and people will surprise you over and over.
- Believe that it is worth your while and effort because you never know what is waiting around the corner.
Year # 2
Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses.
Everything has a purpose, even this, and it’s up to you to find it.
I call myself a Peaceful Warrior… because the battles we fight are on the inside.
Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what’s good for you. They don’t want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs. I want you to stop gathering information from the outside and start gathering it from the inside.
The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination.
The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.
A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does.
Life is choice. You can choose to be a victim or anything else you’d like to be.
Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is: most people don’t live at all.
Loss teaches us acceptance. We cannot tell death to step aside and give us a few more minutes. In times where things are out of our control, we can manage to pull through with the right mindset and the first step to cultivating one is through learning acceptance.
Impermanence. We live within certain boundaries and try to restrict ourselves to a certain way of life. Yet when loss comes along you realize nothing is permanent no matter how much control you try to have. It is a journey of life that is shared among everyone because everyone has experienced loss in life.
We tend to overlook the value of people in our life till they are gone. Loss teaches us to always be mindful of the value of someone.
Time heals. Time has been the only thing I found that makes the pain less intense. It isn’t just the time that is healing but it is what is done with that time that helps in healing. Grief is always a “work in progress”.
Transform yourself to a better you. Instead of choosing loss to consume you inside, let it build you up. It is easier said than done, I know.
Life will never be fair. Life is not fair and if we let it, it will make us bitter. To this day I still struggle with blaming other people for my unhappiness. I do know that life is about managing these expectations for how it should go. Now I look for the good in the bad because knowing that life will not go as I have planned has given me strength.
I say all of that because through my efforts to rebuild my life and to figure out my coping strategy to overcome his death, I had to reevaluate everything my life was and had been. My goals shifted from a extrinsically motivated towards an intrinsic life of personal growth and rewarding interpersonal relationships with those around me. I left my world that I knew to explore a world of unknown. All I knew was that there had to be more, and there was. The love and the life that I have now, I could have never imagined and I am so incredibly thankful for all of the moments I have. Even my struggles.
Through the journey of these four years, I decided to take the perspective of feeling the pain and to understand that life challenges do not have to break us. When the waves roll in and strike us from every direction, one can find the will to stand there strong and rise up again. My gift that day was a new view on how to embrace life and celebrate it by living it to the fullest. With this experience I learned the true meaning of “life is short so live in the moment and give it all you got”. Today it is my choice, and I choose to celebrate life.
What I would give to talk to you one more day. There are so many things I would want to tell you or want you to know. I would give you the biggest hug and you better believe I would punch your arm. Life is a beautiful mess and these last five years have been just that. What is interesting is that you have given me the best 5 years of my life. I am pretty sure that wasn’t your intention. However, I think you would be proud. I mean that in the sincerest of ways. You influence my life constantly and drive me more than you could have imagined.
There are things I still don’t understand. I wish you knew that suicide doesn’t end the pain you are feeling, it passes it on to others. Thank you for trusting me to carry your pain as it has given me strength. It has changed me. I feel more now than I ever have before. Life does get better and my last five years is proof because each year is better than the year before. Thank you for believing that I could go on and be happy. I see life in a new light and I truly believe that is a gift. April 13th is my celebration of life and I want you to know that you live on…
I miss you. May you rest in peace sweet angel and may you finally be happy.