So this morning when we got up, we woke up to a snow fall. Matt took some pics because I was not excited about the weather conditions and was laying under the blankets throwing a fit about the cold.
I got up and we have spent the day inside looking for jobs, taking nap, playing games, watching a movie by the fire.
I have been thinking a lot lately, avoiding a lot and not keeping up with the whole blogging bit. Ever since I came back from Colombia getting in the blog routine has proven to be a challenge for me. Some of it I avoid because putting myself out there is sometimes hard. I am going through some changes now in that I am looking for a place to settle down and I have been with Matt which creates a ton of emotions.
The whole job thing is going well. I have had interviews every week. I have turned away a few positions just because I felt like they weren’t the best fit. The pressure of what kind of job I want and where I want to go is a lot to analyze since things are so open. I can go anywhere and do a ton of things. I don’t want a job just to have one, I want one I will love, thrive, and exceed in. One that will challenge me as a person.
There are a few states I would LOVE to live in like Texas and Cali but I am open to everywhere. I think of it like this: often times when I go out to eat, I ask the person serving me their suggestion and I take it. This pushes me to order outside of my comfort zone. So I figure finding a job and moving to it will push me outside of my comfort zone, challenging me and opening up the doors for a lot of opportunities I would miss if I limit my search to certain areas.
If by doing this I get to an area I don’t like, I will make the most of it. I have always based decisions on intuition. I trust myself enough to decide and go with it. If I am wrong (which I have been plenty) I chalk it up to lesson learned and try to do better next time.
This brings me to another point about my intuition. I have been with Matt for a few weeks now. When I met him 3 months ago, I tried REALLY hard not to like him in a serious way but to just enjoy my time. He has been persistent because we have had a great connection and friendship. I have grown to appreciate who he is on a deep level.
I did my best at finding reasons I couldn’t like him so that I could keep my walls up. I didn’t want to let anyone in after everything that has gone on in the last year. I have struggled and things have gone very unplanned so by letting someone else in, I would be taking a risk of messing things up again. That scares me and was hard for me to admit on here because I have been all this talk about facing fears.
When I first met Matt he acted confidently. It wasn’t long before the insecurities started to show. I am sure he thought the same about me. What I have taken from him is to let someone love you the way you are. As flawed as you feel, as unattractive as you think you are and as undeserving of the other person’s attention you believe you might be. It is ok to let someone love you despite those insecurities. You don’t know when someone else sees something in you that you can’t see in yourself.
So here I am on the east coast with Matt facing my fears. Letting myself see where things will go. He has been nothing short of amazing to me up to this point. He lets me be me in a way no one has ever done. Even if that means wanting to stay under the covers because I hate the cold 😉