I met Paul at a business meeting. I was there with my boss and so I wasn’t my normal crazy self because it was my first time at a networking event and I was on my best behavior which doesn’t happen often. That was all ruined when I met Paul. He introduced himself and then started introducing me to everyone there he knew. He was making it a point to joke around and to have fun.
The next time I saw him was a networking event was at the horse race track. It was like I was talking to an old friend.
When I had moved and started in my travels, he wrote me the nicest e-mail. I was walking with my friend Brad at the time and I stopped and choked up. It was very humbling. So I met with Paul while I was in town. We have exchanged a few e-mails and I want to share with you one he sent and I think you will see why it is so easy to be inspired by him. One thing I admire about Paul is his writing ability… I hope you enjoy his view on love.
As I am a single being, and one that has no real interest in becoming part of the relationship crowd (I say this with deceit in my heart), I still find myself being pulled into the classic and often misunderstood realm of being with someone. My son and I often discussed, prior to him falling in love with a particular young lady, how the yearning for love was a task that took fifteen to thirty minutes ever few months but then dismissed when the reality of maintaining a relationship came to a clear head.
We search endlessly for love. Whether it be the love of a parent from the very inception of our life or the love of a pet, we search. We are never satisfied with the love that we have and are always searching for the one or the thing that will make us whole, make us happy, make us the person that we always envisioned. This is proven in every day life by the rate of divorce, man cheating on woman, woman cheating on man and every sordid act in between. We have bars and clubs and events design to introduce penis to vagina for nothing more than “recreational love” that can be had and destroyed in a matter of hours, if they are lucky. Each event more emotionless and unimportant than the last, this is our love today.
From early in our lives we are told of great stories of love and the “happily ever after” tales of waking each morning with nothing more to do than look over and fall in love again, day after day. Once we realize that love is not a game that can be won and kept on the shelf in this perpetually perfect state, it becomes more of a chore that has to be tended to as a garden in the back of the land that provides sustenance for life but each day that goes by we find it easier to drive to market for carrots as carrots in a bag are just as good, without the slave and toil.
In saying all that I have already said, you must realize that most of it is defined by the destruction that one man’s heart has seen and felt and set aside for the excuse of running and hiding each day that it requires. For our heart beats each day to love and to be loved. Its sole purpose is to make our lives worth living yet we often defy the role of the heart and so many others lay a deaf ear to our words and our wants.
I live to be loved. I want to be loved. Where is my love? Will I meet her today? Will she leave me? Will she find another to love? What will define my love?
As I live each day, my thoughts and questions are thrown into the community of family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances. Those that are married look and listen but for a second, as in each second they could be in my very shoes; their love asking them to stop loving because theirs was lost. Each person I encounter, if searching for love themselves, let my words slide from their thoughts as they wish not to be in my shoes, ever searching for the love that will make me whole, make me the man I always wanted to be with someone, at times anyone.
Our lives are so intertwined and yet at some level we can sit in a room of hundreds, in a city of millions, in a world of billions and cannot carry on a conversation that amounts to nothing more than an introduction of penis to vagina.
“My own desires pushing further and further into the dark as the hope of love is drowned by pain that is inevitably etched into the future, not knowing why.”
Love is our intangible as it does not have a place on the shelf, in a box and it cannot be touched or seen nor can it be conditioned by water or soil or anything of this world. Love grows in one’s heart not knowing how it arrived and love leaves us without knowing the day or time. We accept love for what it is and if you look at it as matter is looked at by the smallest of particles known to man, you might see what love is without the temperance of the good that it was intended.
As with all inhabitants of our world, we carry secrets and issues that create places in our soul that we hide from every other inhabitant of our world that holds theirs inside and away from the rest.
In order to love another so deeply that those two cannot be distinguished one from another requires us to lay out our secrets and our pains and our flaws for them to see. As a young man, I had few imperfections as we might see imperfections from the mind or body. Our youth was designed to find and hold onto one that we found and grew to love in a way that only those two could understand even though countless others had found their two and could not explain to the next two.
As I sit here today and desire others to be a part of my two, I know that I must reveal things that I have revealed in the past with such great fear of mind that I may not want to endure the conversation. How do I and when do I bring about these topics that may or may not kill the possibility of the two before the possibility of the two even exists?
These things that we push into the dark, hold us from walking in the light. Our desires are so much less powerful than those things held tightly, just out of reach and designed to protect us from people and events that are to come. I play out in my mind an entire relationship in a moment from the first spark of love and I see the death of that love as well as the words flow from my lips, “Hello”. Therefore, hello is sometimes so hard to say.
Those that play games of competition often only play in their minds as the mind overpowers our bodies at any level. A man can be beaten in a boxing match or a marathon by the thought of, “I can’t”, and in that very moment he cannot and will fail as surely as if he was left at the beginning or never walked into the ring.
Why we project hurt from the past into the future has mad rich many that poke in and around the mind to try and reset individuals and help them back into the time where mind and body where carefree and ready to love at a moments notice with each possibility as exciting as the last.