If there is one thing I know it is that relationships aren’t easy. They are tons of work. Hard work at that. So for those of you that think it SHOULD be easy. You are ohh so wrong. Today I was talking with a girl at work about relationships and it got me thinking. So tonight I couldn’t wait to come home to blog about how I wish sometimes that I could just fix everything in my life with duct tape. The reality is, relationships are one thing that duct tape can’t fix.
So here are quick thoughts about relationships:
- There is no secret formula to making relationships work.
- They are always a ‘work in progress’
- No matter how bad you think it is, you can do something amazing.
- Sometimes you can’t save the relationship but you can save yourself.
- In the beginning, it is easy to feel in love but hardships will be a given at some point.
- Feed your love as much as you can, whenever you can. Someday that love will be starving.
- Never stop moving forward….. Whatever forward means to you.
I had to get those out because I was trying to figure out where I should go with what I say. I have lots to say about relationships and love.
I have missed blogging. Missed talking about my feelings. Miss putting my thoughts down so that I can go back and read to remind myself not only how far I have come but where I have been.
My relationship with Matt is a struggle.
There is nothing to hide here. We fight just like any other couple. We are very passionate people and fighting is a given. Some people see fighting as weakness. The thing is, we are all incompatible in some way. You would be delusional to think different. When you fight with someone you learn about who you are as a person and how you function as a couple. I’ve recently had a change of heart about my current job. That has caused my emotions to spike and my feelings to be a bit raw. It has been very challenging not only for me personally, but my relationship. I’ve learned a lot lately and hopefully this will help you as much as it helps me to write this.
How you work through issues is more important than the actual issue.
It is important at the core of a fight to show respect. Each person is entitled to their feelings and reasons. For me, I have had to learn to control my own negative emotions. It helps when I try to understand what it is Matt is trying to say. I find myself getting so caught up in my own feelings and making them heard, I forget to listen. I know this causes more issues. So lately I have had to ask myself during a disagreement if I feel heard and respected. If I answer no, it is a guarantee that Matt feels that way too. Being the bigger person means putting your feelings aside first and trying to understand the other person. Once they feel heard, they are more likely to listen to what you have to say. The bond is strengthened through insight to each others thoughts and during the repair.
When you face adversity, do it together.
There are times you will be tempted to hold back from your significant other. Sometimes pretending you are stronger than what you actually are seems easier at the time. It is best for the relationship to find the courage to be vulnerable. It is ok to be weak. What is important is that you turn towards each other rather than away. Don’t shut out the person closest to you when you need them most. That is when they should shine and be more understand and more loving. This builds trust. At the same time, there will be times that your partner will be vulnerable and open up and you will want to be defensive. Seek to understand them and their feelings.
When you don’t feel passionate, be passionate anyway.
Sometimes physical closeness will bridge the gap and be just what you need. So I say to you and to myself: When you don’t feel passionate, be passionate anyway.