Love
I Don’t Think About You
After Sean’s suicide, I was emotionally wrecked. I hit the road with Roxy and my jeep to clear my head. To figure out life. It was liberating and healing.Then I met Matt. This guy standing in front of me had gone and lived overseas for 2 years after his divorce to sort through life. I was in awe. I felt inspired. But I ran. He invited me for waffles. No thanks, Taco Bell and a night in my car instead. Curious… There are people that travel like me to explore life, after all, what is the meaning? I think of it like my cats. These...
read moreOld World, New Home
I am sitting here writing from one of my most beloved places the last 5 1/2 years, the airport. I love the fact that at the airport you are either going somewhere exciting or almost “home” and a place of so many emotions. Today I am closing out the “living overseas” chapter of my life and “going home”. So many mixed emotions. Matty and I are relocating back to Texas to settle down for a bit. Although I am sure the travels won’t stop, they will just be “different” đ When I moved with Matty...
read more6 Years, Grief After Suicide
Today I celebrate life. It is a choice I make every year on April 13th. This is the first time since Sean’s suicide that the 13th has fallen on a Friday, like it did in 2012 when he took his life. I also write this blog to reflect on my journey. After it happened, I wanted to run and hide. I did in a sense when I lived in my jeep for months. I couldn’t shake the shame and guilt. I also felt ashamed that Sean had given me a new outlook on life that I could have never imagined. It took him taking his life to breath life into mine....
read moreToday We Celebrate Life
Man, this time of year is hard. I can’t believe it has been 5 years. Year one I definitely questioned if I could make it to this point and here we are! Here is a look back over the last 5 years and “lessons learned” from my blog each year. Writing is my therapy and reading what I wrote is even better because it is proof of the progress, much like a before and after photo. I wouldn’t be where I am today without some very important people in my life. So thank you friends and family for your support and love. Cheers to...
read moreUnconditionally
Everyone is going through their own journey and has endured pain. The amount pain influences decisions we make and when we hold onto pain, our outward actions tend to reflect that pain we feel inside. Everyone has been there. We’ve all been selfish, insensitive and hurt someone that was innocent. We are humans and being flawed comes with the territory. Lately I have been asking myself so many questions. How do you continue to love someone when they have hurt you so bad? So how do you forgive a person when everything inside of you wants...
read moreFalling in Love with the Same Person, Every Single Day
Love is an undertaking, you have to feed it, nourish it and work like hell to make sure it thrives. I am convinced that love is to accept someone despite their imperfections and shortcomings. We live in a period wherein almost everything is disposable because replacing broken things is easier than trying to fix them. Most people donât commit to relationship with someone for the same reason. Love is not an emotion, it is a decision. You wake up every morning not only thankful for another day but also thankful for the relationship you have with...
read moreWhat Forgiveness Means
Perhaps one of our favorite poisons is not forgiving someone else. We go about life carrying the burden of resentment and bitterness inside. We hold on to this thinking that we are hurting the person who hurt us. Instead of wounding the other person, we end up hurting ourselves. I have struggled with forgiveness in my life. However, it is a choice that I am faced with when I feel like someone has done something wrong to me. I think it is something we can all strive for in our lives. Recently, I treated a friend in a way that wasn’t much...
read more3 Years Gone- Lessons Learned from Suicide
Anyone that has lost someone they love to suicide knows how the loss changes a person. It shakes your world in a way that no other death does. Â The questions and thoughts consume your life. The act fills you with anger as you question why they would do that and leave so many behind, completely broken. I know these feelings and thoughts all too well. Three years ago today my life changed dramatically. Someone I loved deeply committed suicide and that is a day I will never forget. Â I can tell you that there have been so many overwhelming...
read moreWhat Would You Try in Life if You Knew You Couldnât Fail?
This words in clip ask good questions, questions I think we should all be asking ourselves. Oh would you try if you knew, that you couldn’t fail? Oh would you dream if you knew, that your dreams had sails? There’s a gulf you can never give us, there’s a lot of fuel in you and below Would you give it all you got if you knew you would be loved? In a way, this question is also related to that one which you have probably heard a million times: What would you do if this was your last day on earth? These are two simple questions...
read moreYear in Japan
Today we have been in Japan 1 year. I wanted to take this time and reflect on where I currently stand. One thing I do know is that this last year has been full of a lot of ups and downs. It was an amazing year of new experiences and a new journey. It was also a year of trial and failure. Life isn’t easy but and everyone is dealing with their own things, but we are all in this together. Like many people, I don’t always know what my actions mean. I do know that in life I am doing the best I can with the information that I have. I...
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